Couples marry in turmoil as same-sex marriage becomes legal

When Thailand's long-awaited marriage equality law came into force on Thursday, police officer Pisit “Q” Sirihirunchai hoped to be among the first in line to marry his long-term partner Chanathip “Jane” Sirihirunchai.

And he was – they were the sixth couple to register their union at one of Bangkok's grandest shopping malls, in an event organized by city officials to celebrate the legal milestone.

Hundreds of couples in Thailand received marriage licenses on Thursday, breaking into smiles or tears for the moment they've dreamed of for so long.

It was an extravaganza of color and costume as district officials threw parties with photo booths and free cakes – one district of Bangkok gave away plane tickets to the first couple to register their marriage there.

“The rainbow flag is flying high over Thailand,” Prime Minister Paetongtarn Shinawatra wrote on Facebook from Davos, where she was attending the World Economic Forum.

Activists said they hoped to pass the 1,448 mark for registrations by the end of Thursday – 1,448 is the clause in Thailand's Civil Code covering the definition of marriage.

“We've been ready for so long,” Pisitt said. “We were just waiting for the law to catch up with us and back us up.”

They have been together for seven years. Eager to formalize their relationship, they had previously been to a Buddhist monk to give them an auspicious new surname to share – Sirihirunchai. They had also asked the local authorities to issue a letter of intent, which the two signed promising to marry.

But they said the recognition of their partnership under Thai law was what they had been waiting for: “It's perfect for us. The law that protects our rights.”

Until now, official documents wrote Pisit and Chanatep as brothers. That way they could be family in the eyes of the law. Marriage certificate means LGBTQ+ couples now have the same rights as any other couple to engage and marry, manage their assets, inherit and adopt children.

They can also make decisions about medical treatment if their partner becomes ill and incapacitated, or extend financial benefits – such as the Pisit state pension – to their spouse.

“We want to build a future together – build a house, start a small business together, maybe a coffee shop,” he adds, listing everything the law allowed. “We want to build our future together and take care of each other.

The law which passed in both houses of parliament last June before it is approved by the Thai king in September is a big step for LGBTQ+ rights.

Thailand remains emergency in Asia in recognizing marriage equality – only Nepal and Taiwan have legalized same-sex unions.

This is one of the reasons why Aki Uryu, who is Japanese, moved to Bangkok to be with her partner. She said life is difficult for the LGBTQ+ community back home: “In Thailand, I can hold hands with my partner, walk together. Nobody says anything. It's just different. I feel good.”

After the two women tied the knot on Thursday, Aki said, “It's like I've started my new life.”

Watching them celebrate, along with so many other couples in a shopping mall in Bangkok, was Mr Zhang, a gay Chinese man who did not want to give his first name.

“We're excited, we're also very jealous,” he said. “Thailand is so close to China, but in another sense it is so far.”

And yet, even in Thailand, with its famous tolerance for LGBTQ+ people, activists say it took a long campaign to win legal recognition.

“We've been waiting for this day for 18 years – the day when everyone can recognize us openly, when we no longer need to avoid or hide,” Rungtiva Thankanopast, 59, who will marry her partner of 18 years in May, told the BBC earlier this week.

She was married, arranged by her family, to a gay man who later died. She had a daughter through IVF, but after her husband's death she began spending time and later helping to run one of Bangkok's first lesbian pubs. That's when she met Phanlavee, who is now 45 and goes by just her first name.

On Valentine's Day 2013 the two women went to the Bang Rak district office in central Bangkok to request a formal marriage – a popular place for marriage registration because the name means “City of Love” in Thai.

This was the time when LGBTQ+ couples began challenging the official view of marriage as an exclusively heterosexual partnership by trying to obtain marriage licenses at county offices.

There were about 400 heterosexual couples waiting for them that day. Rungtiwa and Phanlavee were turned down, and the Thai media mocked their efforts, using derogatory slang for lesbians.

Still, activists managed to convince the government to consider changing the marriage laws. A proposed civil partnership bill has been brought before parliament, offering some official recognition to same-sex couples, but not the same legal rights as heterosexual couples.

A military coup in 2014 that overthrew the elected government disrupted the movement. It would be another decade before full marriage equality was approved by Parliament, in part due to the rise of young, progressive political parties who championed the cause.

Their message resonated with Thais – and attitudes changed too. At that time same-sex marriage was legalized in many Western countries and same-sex love was normalized in Thai culture as well.

Such was the swing in favor of the law that it was passed last year by an overwhelming majority of 400 votes to just 10 against. Even in the notoriously conservative Senate, only four opposed the bill.

And couples like Rungtiwa and Fanleeva now have their chance to get recognition for their love for each other, without the risk of public ridicule.

“With this law comes the legitimacy of our family,” says Rungtiwa, “We are no longer viewed as outsiders just because our daughter was not raised by heterosexual parents.”

The new law removes gender-specific terms such as man, woman, husband and wife from the 70 sections of the Thai Civil Code covering marriage and replaces them with neutral terms such as individual and spouse.

However, there are still dozens of laws in the Thai legal code that have yet to become gender neutral, and there are still obstacles to same-sex couples using surrogacy to have a family.

Under Thai law, parents are still defined as mother and father. The law also still prevents people from using their preferred gender on official documents; they are still stuck with their birth gender. These are areas where campaigners say they will have to keep pushing for change.

And this is especially important for older couples who have had to overcome relationship changes.

“I really hope people will let go of the old, stereotypical ideas that gay men can't have true love,” said Chakrit “Ink” Vadhanweera.

He and his partner Prin, both 40, have been together for 24 years.

“The two of us have proven that we truly love each other through thick and thin for over 20 years,” Chakrit said. “We were ready to take care of each other from our first day together. We are no different from heterosexual couples.'

While Chakrit's parents quickly accepted their partnership, it took Prin's parents seven years before they were able to do so.

The couple also wanted to share the production business they ran together and other assets as a couple, so they asked Prin's parents to adopt Chakrit officially, giving him the same last name. Prine says the new law has brought them much-needed legal clarity.

“For example, right now, when a same-sex couple buys something together — a large item — they can't share ownership of it,” Prine said. “And one of us dies, what we have earned together cannot be passed on to the other. This is why marriage equality is so important.”

Today, Prine said, both sets of parents treat them as they would any other married child.

And when they had relationship problems like any other couple, their parents helped them.

“My dad even started reading gay magazines to understand me better. It was pretty sweet to see.”

Additional reporting by Lulu Luo, Paweena Ninbut and Ryn Jirenuwat in Bangkok