Over the course of 15 years, I have interviewed hundreds of entrepreneurs and their parents find out how they were raised.
Overall, these families are very happy with how their children have fared. Parents claim that their adult children are not only talented and financial successbut generous and kind. However, looking back, many parents have told me that there are a few things they wish they had known as a child the children grew up.
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It's not the same as their regrets. Still, my parents told me that with this knowledge they were able to focus on other things or less stressed about what a bright future their children will have.
Here are four things they would tell themselves as young parents.
1. “Don't panic if they don't graduate.”
Most parents I spoke to believed that a college education was essential to career success.
Entrepreneur Matt Mullenweg, the founder of WordPress, started the company while he was a student at the University of Houston, but left it to run it. Today, WordPress is just part of Automattic, the global software company led by Mullenweg.
Thomas Vu's parents wanted him to become a doctor. Instead, Vu dropped out of UC San Diego and joined the first class of interns at Electronic Arts. He later became lead producer of League of Legends, creative lead at Riot Games, and executive producer of the Emmy-nominated hit “Arcane.”
In hindsight, they realize they didn't have to worry so much. Their children he did not obtain a diplomabut in the end it didn't matter. They pursued their dreams and realized them, and their skills, dedication and conviction were more than enough.
2. “Their passion is not a distraction – it can have a bigger impact than you think.”
Acclaimed director Jon Chu's parents told me that he became fascinated with storytelling and filmmaking at the age of 10. They worried that his passion might distract from his real work and responsibilities. But it's hard to argue with that international hit success Chu's latest film, “Wicked.”
They now realize that Chu putting in those 10,000 hours doing what he loved and was good at was worth it. Many parents I talked to feel the same way. They know that their children's passion has helped them succeed in their careers, even if their children's lives are not what they imagined.
Many future entrepreneurs practiced sports intensively and none turned professional. Their parents told me they worry that all the time their children spend on the playground instead of in the classroom is a waste of time.
Eric Ryan, founder of Method, Olly and Welly, told me he was a terrible student but loved sailing. There he learned valuable skills, including: resistancedecisiveness, perseverance and self-confidence – all this made him the entrepreneur he is today. His parents didn't have to worry that all the hours spent on the water would prevent him from succeeding in his career – quite the contrary.
3. “Be more open about money.”
Many of these entrepreneurs and leaders credit their parents with teaching them the value of a dollar. So I was surprised that many parents said they wished they were more open about their family finances and used them better as a teaching tool.
Some parents have told me they wish they had included their children in their financial decision-making, whether it was budgeting, purchasing big items like a car, or investing in the stock market. Others told me they wished their children had opened a bank account or gotten a credit card in high school.
For example, they wished they had been more honest when they were buying a new car, talking about leasing or buying, how expensive the car was, and what the trade-offs were with other things they wanted. They believe in it teaching your children how to spend money they would help when they started their companies.
4. “Celebrate your failures and successes with enthusiasm.”
Many parents of successful adults I talked to said they try not to scold or punish their children when they fail. However, many people have also told me that they would like to go a step further.
The parents wished they had known about it celebrate failures so do successes, because they realized that the creative risks that lead to innovation can only be taken when you understand that failure is a way to learn and grow – and that failure should be the fuel for your next success.
They saw that their children's failures were more important to their development than easy victories.
This is something I would also tell myself as a young parent. I often repeat Billie Jean King's mantra and pass it on to my adult children: “It's not failure, it's feedback.“
Margot Machol Bisnow is a writer, mom and parenting expert. Having spent 20 years in government, including as Commissioner of the FTC and Chief of Staff of the President's Council of Economic Advisers, she has spent the last 10 years speaking to parenting groups about raising fearless, creative, confident, resilient and enterprising children who are full of joy and purpose, and is the author “Raising an Entrepreneur: How to Help Children Fulfill Their Dreams.” Follow her on Instagram @margotbisnow.
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