There are two words that get so easy to get out when your child experiences an emotional event. Maybe they stumbled and fell or fought with a friend. Their face rotates, and before they have the opportunity to speak, you say, “Everything is fine.”
Sounds comforting. Even calming. But this is not the case. As conscious parental trainer And a supporter of the emotional health of children, I studied over 200 children-I saw this well and abused expression causing long-term damage in a way that most parents never realize.
In fact, because at first it seems so harmless, it is the most dangerous opinion in parenting. Here's why and what to say instead:
1. He teaches children doubts about their own emotions.
When the child is clearly nervous and hears “everything is fine”, he sends the misleading message: What I feel can not be real. Over time, it disconnects them from the inner emotional world and teaches them not to trust their own instinct.
2. This annul the experience when they need you the most.
You can say this with love, but the child hears: “Your feelings do not matter.” The release – however subtle – teaches them that comfort and connection are available only when they are calm and comfortable. Emotional suppression begins here.
3. He addresses emotional processing.
Emotions are to move through the body. When we interrupt this natural process with premature assurance, it robs children's ability to identify, naming and regulate their emotions. Instead of building immunity, we build avoidance.
4. He teaches that love is conditional.
Without realizing this, phrases such as “you are fine”, “stop crying” or “do not be afraid” to believe that they have to suppress their emotions to remain accepted. And when love feels conditional, emotional safety – the basis of mental health itself – begins to develop.
5. This may transfer a response to a child's stress.
The nervous system develops through repetitive experiences. When the child is nervous and met with release instead of support, their body finds out that it is not safe to express emotions. Over time, this can transform their nervous system to expect a disconnection, hindering trust, regulation and a sense of security.
What to say, instead of “everything is fine”
Children do not need repair – they must feel. And more importantly, they must know that this safe Feel, especially with you.
Here are powerful alternatives that confirm their inner world and build emotional strength:
- “I believe you.”
- “Your feelings make sense.”
- “I'm here with you.”
- “You don't have to be fine now.”
- “I saw what happened. How are you feeling?”
These phrases make more than calming down. Strengthen. They teach your child: My emotions matter. I can trust myself. I'm not alone.
These answers require practice. Sometimes you say “everything is fine”. And that's okay too. The goal is to practice conscious parenting: to notice our patterns and choose the moment to react in a way that builds emotional safety, and do not undermine them.
These moments may seem small, but in fact they help build a child's emotional foundation. And in a world where anxiety, depression and disconnection grow, in this way we protect our children's mental health – one moment of emotional security at once.
Reem Raouda He is a leading voice in conscious parenting and creators FOUNDATIONS – Transformative healing magazine for parents ready to break cycles, perform internal work and become emotionally safe parent of their needed children. It is widely recognized from her breakthrough work in the field of emotional safety of children and strengthening the parent-child ties. Ffollow her further Instagram.
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