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So, I'm back. And it's true, I had a child. I was out for a month and have the chewed nipples to prove it. Eat your heart out, Mayor Pete. I guess that qualifies me to run Department of Transport. Speaking of trans… any man who thinks wearing a dress in a wig makes you a woman, it's not. I was there when that baby was born, and no one can do that. You can wear a diaper and claim to be a baby or the president. But there are few things worse than someone in the media having a baby. And not only because you have to imagine that they are having sex, but they act as if they are the first person to do it, as if they have just invented having children.
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It's funny. Many new parents a few years ago would tell you that having children is selfish. How dare you bring another mouth to feed among the starving billions? Then they have kids and suddenly their precious brat is an outcast. They went from hating kids to having one they can't wait to change. I am even more surprised that some mothers would support abortion. It's like being biological Benedict Arnold. Because these mothers know that having children is the best thing they will ever do. Without ironing.
A SEXUAL PERSON CAN SAY!
But instead of having to put up with their nappy-rejecting mates for giving in to the patriarchy, they are cheering for women to abort the one thing that gives them meaning in life. Besides watching this show, of course. So what is equal to men? Well, think about the guy winning the Bronze Star and say it is useless. Sorry, that's the only thing he'll remember on his deathbed. Well, that and the pride that the characters of The Facts of Life have. Yes, Charlotte Rae really knew how to throw a party. And yes, I compare motherhood to war because it is.
THE SCIENCE OF FATHERS: WHY FATHERS ARE IMPORTANT
Women put in a nine-month journey, and in the end, full of hormones and fatigue, it makes PTSD look like athlete's foot. And because of that, we should treat mothers like conquering heroes. But the message from many libs? You have no children. But if we do, it's because our children will be better than yours. Because in the mediawe act as if everything we do is more important. But do you think Uncle Frank, the plumber, had to take a month off every time his wife pushed one? Please. This man had a plunger in his hand three minutes after they cut the vein. I think he brought the plunger to birth, just in case.
So, I will not brag. Seven billion people have passed through this period. But if you are shocked that I have a brat at 60, imagine how I feel. When my wife told me she was pregnant, my diaper was the first she had to change. It's not easy, but it's not earth-shattering either. The lesson I learned is how much I have to let go. Meaning, all my lifeI have learned to be self-motivated, and it has helped me in my career. But good work is not difficult when it is only about you. Although there are exceptions. But if you work alone for ten years, you can know any job without porn,
Ask Trace Gallagher. It may be a silver fox, but you're done once the carpet matches the drapes. So being a parent at my age forces me to learn a lot from you learned in the 20s30s and 40s – that you have to think about someone else. And for me, that's hard. My whole home has changed. Now someone else is sleeping in the bassinet. But a wise person told me this – once you have a child, you can't regret anything you did before, because changing the past will erase the possibility of that child. Maybe that's why Alec Baldwin keeps having kids.
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It's amazing. I suddenly have no regrets after 60 years of bad behavior. So my message to you ladies and gentlemen. If you feel bad about your past, have a baby. Yes. Yes. It's easy. Almost anyone can do it. And of course, children take care of themselves. Right now, mine is sitting in a double parked car outside. Do not worry. I rolled down the windows.