When it comes to protecting the child's mental health, emotional resistance is crucial. Not only Resistant children Sprinkle with disappointment, but they are also less likely depressedIN restless, Or Self -critical.
As psychologist With almost 20 years of experience, I saw children with emotional gold They often have one common feature: parents who know how to deal with their own emotions.
When we show our children that emotions are not shameful or insufficient, we teach them that feelings are not disordered, unbearable. They are brilliant Biological Pansegers Then tell us what we need and lead us through life – just like desire and hunger. Knowing this, children can learn to deal with conflicts, disappointment and suffering with greater confidence and wisdom.
Parents who raise emotionally smart, resistant children Do four things, and the more you practice these skills, the easier it is to convey them to your children.
1. They notice and honor their emotions
Resistant parents Recognize that emotions are not to be buried, rejected or suppressed. They know that ignoring feelings only makes them roaring louder.
What soothes discomfort is to call our emotions one by one. As we tell our children when they are young, we can “use our words”. Start by telling yourself, quietly or loudly: “I feel at the moment …” and fill out an empty place.
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Naming our emotions Distinctions and approve, which is why we pass. Only then can we take steps to feel better or support ourselves. For example, if we are filled with fury, we may have to set the border. Or if we worry, talking to a friend or walk can help.
When parents cope with their own feelings, children find out that emotions are part of everyday life, which is just as valuable to our health as sleep and exercises.
2. They can regulate their own emotions
Have you ever noticed how to watch a terrifying movie makes you feel scared? That's why Emotions are contagious. If the fear of a fictitious character can penetrate the screen to affect an adult, Parents' suffering They can certainly rub their children. So they must regulate their own emotions to alleviate the effects.
Taming emotions begins with tuning to your body. Use this simple breathing exercise: inhale slowly to five and slowly exhale for five. Repeat for two minutes. Known as “Coherent breathing“This relaxing technique helps to calm down down the body nervous systemwhich pulls sharp emotions.
Remember this You must experience your emotions to process, digest and regulate themBut sometimes it is best to give yourself a chance to calm down, instead of expressing strong feelings when they are at the top. In this way, your emotions are not the best of you, which means that you express them less often in a way that your children can hurt.
3. They do not define emotions as “good” or “bad”
Emotions are often categorized according to how they make us feel – luck For example, he has a positive reputation, while anger gets a bad rap.
But emotions are not good or bad, it's just data. And the information they provide is beneficial and acceptable. Sadness tells us that there is something to mourn. Fear warns us of danger. The excitement makes us want to celebrate. Healthy wine stops us from poor treatment of people.
Watch your emotions carefully. Here are the two expressions that guide you:
- “There is no judgment in how I feel now.”
- “Oh, there is such a feeling again. I know it will pass.“
Parents rarely evaluate their children's emotions when they do not judge their own.
4. They practice self -reflection
I know as an emotional psychologist, it is that our emotional life is informed by the present, but formed by the past.
How our parents coped with our feelings is crucial. If our suffering has been repeatedly rejected or embarrassed, we learn to avoid some emotions (often anger, sadness or fear) or criticize for having them.
If you are struggling with any special emotion, self -reflection can help you find out why. Ask yourself:
- “Growing up how my parents reacted when I felt so?”
- “What do I want to do differently with my children?”
Asking these questions helps to break the old, harmful family patterns, ensuring that you do not repeat the same mistakes. Just the awareness of things you would like to do differently can help you feel authorized to make these changes.
Parents who can think about their own emotions teach their children how to do the same. This is modeling proper manners. Children learn what we do DownNot only what we do to talk.
Dr. July Fraga He is a licensed psychologist from almost two decades of experience in working with new parents. She is the co -author of the upcoming book “Parents also have feelings.” He also teaches workshops for future parents at the University of California in San Francisco (UCSF), where he also supervises the inhabitants of psychiatry. Follow her on Instagram @Parentshavefeelingstoo.
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